y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
