My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
