ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
