After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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