It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
