Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
