one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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