matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
