The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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