My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
