im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
