I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
