I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
