I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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