Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
