wakey wakey hands off snakey
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
