my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I need water and some morals
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
