so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
