they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
