Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
