FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
