just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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