My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
