if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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