Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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