I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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