why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i think im in europe. pls send help
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
