There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
