ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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