i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
