I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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