dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
