awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
