well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
