Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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