This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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