so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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