i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
