Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
