She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
