Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We are all done wearing pants today
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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