so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
