Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
