her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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