: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
