Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
