My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
