I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
