bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
