best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
