He felt like a one man threesome
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
