You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
