I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
