He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
