Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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