you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
