and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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