you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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