I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
