holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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