I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
