I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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