hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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