bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
