forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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