ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
