Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
