I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
