we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
