I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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