We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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