Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
