i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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