Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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