haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize