Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
