Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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