I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
