Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
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No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
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I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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