every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
