Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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