hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
